2020. It seemed to be normal in the beginning of this year. I went to work, had me time on my bed, watched k-dramas (lol), and hanged around with my friends. Just until the news of covid-19 (previously they called it coronavirus) came. I remembered we had the information of this virus in late January. The first case in Indonesia was in last February, then on March 13th, 2020 my office announced remote working for us.
Never ever in my imagination I would experience a pandemic
in my life until this. It was happened in a blink of an eye. Like in just few
hours, I would say, we had, and still, have dramatic changes in our daily activities.
#stayathome campaign is announced everywhere. In an emergency state, we have “lockdown”.
Mask is a must and now becomes a fashion item too.
It was hard for me to adapt to this “new normal”, new way of
life. I am an introvert myself and love to spend time by myself, but lockdown
for months mean I cannot go anywhere without “secure and safe” feeling, even for
monthly grocery shopping. I worked by myself without anyone to talk to since I
lived alone in Surabaya. I experienced “living by my own self” for about 5
months (March to August). I skipped family time for 2 Eid Days. By far, the craziest
year in my life.
When the number of covid-19 cases slowed down in August, I
decided to go back to my hometown. And now here I am living with my family. It
is now December. Looking back, this year is January – February – March – fast forward
– December lol. Time runs faster than it used to be. However, in this “fast forward”
moment, I have my own life lessons.
I had more “self-talk” moments than before. I was always
being busy with my life, hustle culture people say. “When your mind rests, the
world also rests” by Haemin Sunim (check out his beautifully encouraging words
on “The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down) rings true for me. During
the lockdown, I took time to pause and contemplate. What did I do? What do I
want to do? I always have listed goals each year, the realistic and
non-realistic one, just because I want myself to be productive. When I reflected
on those, say, annual “dream(s)” of me, I was thinking “Omg, I am too hard on myself,
I need a proper rest” lol. I don’t say having dream is bad, it is not, by knowing
what I really want creates willingness and eagerness inside me to work on it. It
is human nature to want more, to crave more than what we have now. It is very
normal. But, being present is just as important as working on so-called dream.
To be grateful and appreciate the little things in my life, like delicious foods
I can afford to eat, healthy body and mind, loved ones around, and job no matter
how draining it is. I did express my gratitude on those things, but not to today’s
extent. I realize that what I have now is the reality, while future is not yet
to happen so I really should enjoy every second I spend everyday.
I am currently living with my family in my hometown. Frankly
speaking, this is the longest for me being home after Junior High. I always studied
far, worked far, and usually got five days till a month to really enjoy being at
home. In my 9 years of living in three different cities, I can say I never
expect myself to be a homegirl since. But now, I AM HOME, with my Dad, Mom, brother
and sisters. I have never felt this close to my own family. Having serious talk
with my Dad and brother, cooking together with Mom and sisters, helping my
sisters with their homeworks, and enjoying the village air which is fresher
than air conditioner in my room in Surabaya. We develop stronger bond everyday
and I really feel loved.
2020 is coming to the end. I cannot say this is the worst year
ever. Frustration and complaining are here and there, however, if I take things
slower, digging on the situation, I could easily discover many things to be thankful,
especially for staying safe and alive.
Finally, this is my favorite saying of -again- Haemin Sunim
that is relevant to this situation:
“If you have been unable to change a bad situation, even after many attempts, you should change how you look at the situation. Nothing is intrinsically good or bad. Good or bad is always relative.”
- The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down -
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